I'm a 20-year-old college student who struggles with a binge eating disorder, which I've had for about a year and a half. I'm trying my hardest to rid myself of that source of negativity and stress in my life.

I'm going through a lifestyle change with health and fitness. My ultimate goal is to lose fat for good and gain muscle to be stronger physically and mentally, as well as have a higher self-esteem. The way I'm going to achieve this lifestyle change is through writing down everything I eat, exercising 5-6 times a week, and keeping an everyday journal of my thoughts.

Binge free days: 3!

June Goals:
+ Complete 21 Binge Free Days
+ Complete Phase 1 of P90X
+ Write in fitness journal everyday.
+ Complete last ten days of June Binge Free

Height: 5'10"
Plan: Calories a day- 1400-1700.
Cardio- 5-6 times a week.
Strength-3 times a week.

HW: 165
CW: Currently not weighing in
GW1: 158 | GW2: 155 | GW3: 153 | GW4: 150 | GW6: 148
UGW: 146

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July 29th?!

This would be so awesome if I could reach my goal weight by July 29th! I said 1500 calories a day and very active (6-7 days exercise). Even with moderately active (3-5 days exercise), it’s the same time. Oh, this is awesome. I like this. Just two months :) I know last time I lost weight (153 -> 146) it took about a month and a half without exercise. This can work. 

http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal_act.php

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Because I have nothing else to do except watch Nat Geo

I took these a few hours ago, pre-run (which ended up being an hour and half, because I went about a mile in a circle, went home and walked the neighbor’s dog, which takes a very long time and it was only about another mile). I can’t tell if in the second one, it’s just because I’m standing in contrapposto/slightly slouched that my stomach looks bigger. There’s another one I took that makes my stomach look a lot smaller. Like, see…

It’s sort of odd how that works. I feel like I look so much smaller in the third one. I don’t know.

Anyway, I’ve been noticing a little bit of my quad? muscle starting to look defined on my leg, which I love.

So, I don’t know. It was a very nice run/walk. I ran in the grass this time down at a park because I’ve had trouble with shin splints. It was a lot easier that way. 

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So, I put this together for motivation to bring my weight back down to 146.
The top photos were just me messing around before I gained weight. The bottoms, however, are my before pictures, taken this morning, before I loose the weight again. I miss being like I was in the top pictures. Seeing how different my body is now from then is so disappointing to me. I can’t believe I let that go.
Putting these side by side is for motivation. I want the body that I had before back.
I want to be fit and proud of myself. Right now, seeing how much more my body curves, is something that hurts me so much. I feel dread when I look at it. Like I’m a failure. But the top photos show me happy, confident with myself to the point where I could just take silly photos randomly and for fun. I want to change this feeling of dread about my body, for the better and before it all gets worse.

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